That’s My Daddy

Our three year old daughter is special.  We adopted her from China two years ago and she is a character.  Her energy is boundless.  A few weeks ago, in a crowded fellowship hall at our church, she announced enthusiastically and loudly to everyone present as she pointed at me, “That’s my daddy !”   The feelings that I felt are the best reward a dad could ever receive.

As we move into the Thanksgiving season we take special care to express our thanks to God for all he has given us.  What is God’s reward for giving his only son?  What does he get out of the deal for being the creator and sustainer of the universe?   God’s reward is our thanksgiving and praise.   When we give thanks we reward God for adopting us into his family.

Thanksgiving is the final step of the faith process.  Without it, our faith is incomplete.  Jesus healed ten lepers and then pointed out that only one returned to give thanks.  The other nine got theirs and moved on.  Only one gave God the glory for his healing by returning to give thanks.

Thanksgiving acknowledges God as our source and gives him glory.  To not do so is to glorify ones self.  It helps us remember who gives us strength, grace, talent, and blessings.  This keeps us plugged into the one who gives us supernatural help each day.

One of the ways we give thanks is by giving to others.   Jesus told a parable about a man who owed a huge dept and the king pardoned him.  Later, the one who had been pardoned was merciless when collecting a much smaller debt owed to him.  The king became angry and revoked his forgiveness for the large indebtedness and gave a harsh sentence to the one who had been forgiven much but refused to forgive others.   The king expected him to show thankfulness by being kind to others.  To not do so would mean that he did not appreciate the mercy shown to him.

Scripture tells us in several passages that thankfulness produces peace in our lives.  If you don’t have peace, you need to get busy thanking the Lord for his many blessings.  Thankful people are peaceful people.  People spend small fortunes trying to find peace of mind.  The answer is in your heart and in your mouth.  Be thankful in your heart and express it with your mouth and your perspective will change.

Finally, thankfulness is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships.   If we don’t show appreciation to those important to us, we may lose those relationships.  Unthankful people who embark on a marriage relationship are doomed to failure unless they change.  Unthankful employees will never see the promotion they are hoping for.  Unthankful people will have few friends in this life.

If you want to please the heart of God this holiday season, take time to offer thanks and appreciation to God and others.  Thankfulness and praise opens doors in your life.  Complaining closes doors.  You can defeat depression, overcome a recession,  or improve the quality of your life by giving thanks.

The Challenge Of Relationships

I’ve been an observer of folks who struggle with relationships and in reality most do.  With over half of all marriages ending in divorce and the other half struggling to stay afloat it would be safe to say that relationships are not easy.  While I don’t expect to solve the issue today I hope to throw a lifeline to those who feel like giving up the whole idea of healthy, long term relationships.

Many singles yearn for a spouse and a fulfilling relationship, but will never arrive at that port without some major restructuring in how they look at themselves and others.  The single life can be a breeding ground for selfishness and isolationism.

While relationships are never easy for anyone, we can arrive at a place where the problems inherent in long term commitments are manageable.  The key to a real solution requires identifying faulty thinking and behaviors that create the problem.  While my list is not exhaustive I will point out 5 SOURCES OF PROBLEMS FOR THOSE WHO STRUGGLE WITH RELATIONSHIPS:

1.  Perfectionism – We dream of a perfect image of what a friend or spouse should do and say.   When they fall short of our fantasy we become disillusioned and turned off.  We live in an imperfect world full of imperfect people.  If we limit ourselves to people or situations that measure up to our perfect expectation, the world will be a very lonely place indeed.

2.  Baggage From The Past -  Infected wounds can never heal until they are cleaned out and treated.  Dealing with past hurts and disappointments is a painful ordeal that many are not willing to endure to get better.   Forgiveness will release you from bitterness and unforgiveness that if ignored will rob you of the ability to laugh, feel at peace, or be creative.  We build walls to protect us from the type of people who hurt us in the past and the problem with walls is that they keep out the good people too.

3.  Unrealistic Expectations – Few people discuss or acknowledge the existence of a social pecking order, but no one can deny it’s reality.  When I was a teenager we rated girls on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being really hot.  Cultural expectations factor into this in a large way.  In the Caribbean Islands culture, heavy women are considered the most attractive of all.  In America, we see cruel stickers on cars reading, “No Fat Chicks.”   The principle works like this (much of the time), you attract what you are.   If you are a 5, you will attract a 5 or 6.   I’ve seen girls who are 4’s holding out throughout the prime of their life for a guy who is a 10 and never finding that person.  We need to look beyond physical attributes and look at personality and character.  If the 10 you are chasing does not find you attractive, there will surely be someone in the single digits who will.

There is also the dynamic of someone who has unrealistic behavioral expectations from others.  When they don’t perform, they go on the poo poo list.

4.  Internalizing -  This is when the voice in your brain cries out, “What about me ?” in every circumstance, every conversation,  every look,  and every action.  Advice becomes criticism.  Conversations seem like attacks.   Passing comments become conspiracies.  Silence becomes dislike and ignoring.   And conversations with others become plots.  It is near impossible to have a relationship on any level with someone who internalizes everything.

5.  Self Focus -  We think about ourselves too much.  We become our world.  Our egocentric attitude is like fresh onion and garlic breath.  Love involves the denying of self for the benefit of others.  As we become focused on others more than ourselves, we will become attractive again to others as potential friends.

The hindrances to true lasting relationships are many.  Relationships are hard but not impossible.   At our funerals the most important things in our lives will not be accomplishments or possessions, but our meaningful relationships with others.

To Everything There Is A Season

It’s refreshing to be beyond election time and focus on other things even if my candidate didn’t win.  Even more refreshing is to hear all these bitter rivals within the government speaking of unity and working together to make the U.S. a better place – even though we all know they’re faking it.  But fake it we must, because that is just good manners in American politics and to not do so would make you an outcast by those considered the least principled in our society, the politicians.

With all that being said, we must support the new president even though the democrats didn’t support ours.  The season for verbal political warfare is drawing to a close and all our heros are returning to their appointed places.

I’m among the formerly well off who has lost everything in the last few years.  As a former business owner, I haven’t yet mastered the fine art of being an employee.  When upper management gives a threat if I don’t do something, I get this strong urge to do the opposite and I usuallly do.  President elect Obama doesn’t have to worry himself with the task of distributing my wealth, it’s already been distributed.  So, for me and many others like me, this is the season for starting over.   I might as well have fun with it and consider it an adventure.

We have an economy and a housing market to rebuild.  Job creation has to be priority one.  Incentives for starting new businesses need to be initiated on the local, state, and federal levels.

The struggling economy has created new opportunities like the strong interest in changing the tax system.  The timing has never been better to promote a federal consumption tax and do away with income tax.  The American public is open to change like never before and it would be a shame to waste the moment on fruitless infighting.

This is also a season for rebuilding our moral principles.  Human life has to be protected.  Abortion as late as 9 months into a pregnacy is legal in this country.  With an unfettered liberal President and Congress, those of us who believe in the sanctity of human life must lift up our voices like never before.

The soul of our nation is at stake.  As conservatives, we are needed now more than ever to challenge the immorality of liberalism.  We cannot abandon our fight for what is right during this season of change and rebuilding.

Lessons From The Election

Conservatives can learn some lessons from this election.  Now is the time to start preparing to impact the future elections.  Unless some fundamental changes are made in the GOP and conservative base, more defeats and head scratching will follow.

1.  Divided We Fall.   We abandoned our own two term President and allowed the liberals to trash him in the media and paint him up as a baffoon.  George Bush is a great president.  His primary job is the security and protection of our nation.  Following Clinton’s gutting of our intelligence forces, we were wide open and vulnerable to the attacks of 9-11.   We allowed John McCain to pretend like he didn’t like President Bush to help his chances in the election and it backfired. No one believed our little charade anyway and we played right into the hands of the liberal propoganda machine.

2.  Get Back To Our Conservative Base.   We tried to be centrists and run a centrist for office.  Moderate Rebublicans responded by voting in large numbers for Obama.  We soft peddled the abortion issue and it resulted in less passion from the true conservatives.  All the fish we hoped to catch by spreading a big tent have swam away.  Reagan was a conservative and not ashamed of the hard issues like abortion.  The right to life movement has been distanced and disillusioned.  The Republicans have lost this issue and need to reclaim it regardless of who it offends in our own party.

3.  Stop Holding Back.    John McCain is a gentleman.  Politics is a war of words.  We did a lot of inferring and hinting around in this election.   The whole movement in favor of positive campaigning is a myth.  Obama spent more money on negative ads than any man in world history while Republicans had their hands in their pockets.  McCain was accused of being more negative any way.  He should of just said what he meant.  Politics is a tough guy’s sport.  If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Let’s remember also that the election is over and we need to support the new President.  He is not the enemy, he is a fellow American whom we disagree with on important issues.  Come next election, we can crank up the war of words again.  But, for now, we need to find common ground and be a positive force for conservatism within this present period in our government.