My Hero

My wife Pam is my hero. She is the kind of person they make movies about after they’re gone. At age 20 she gave birth to our identical twin boys, Joey and Matt, who were born with Down Syndrome, a genetic disorder which results in several mental and physical disabilities. She gave the prime of her life making sure they had every chance to be all they could be. As a stay at home mom, her days were filled with physical, occupational, and speech therapy appointments and a variety of doctor appointments.

In time, she helped start a parent support group to help other parents who were going through the same agonizing process of raising handicapped children. She always had time to go to the hospital to meet with a new set of parents of a Down Syndrome child or take an out of state call from a new parent who had no support structure in their area. Soon, we would travel to our state capital to lobby the state legislature and get new resolutions passed that would form the foundation for new laws protecting the disabled.

At 18 months, Joey had an unusual accident. His little toe got twisted backward in his shoe and he kept saying “ow.” When we figured it out and took his shoe off, his toe had turned black. The doctor in the emergency room said that the toe would be fine, but he wanted to run some blood tests because of an odd rash and some bruising. We were asked some very probing questions about the bruises which irritated me, and I just wanted to get my family out of there. Pam insisted we let them run the test. The doctor came back and told us to drive directly to Shands Hospital in Gainesville to their emergency room and not to delay. Something in the blood was not right. After a few weeks in Shands, we learned that Joey had a rare form of leukemia, and was not expected to live. The next two and a half years were like a bad dream that you couldn’t escape. There were spinal taps, chemo-therapy, and many extended stays in the hospital. The hospital was an hour and a half away. Pam stayed with Joey during the days and I stayed all night. We passed each other every 12 hours as we changed shifts. Pam was vigilant during this time staying on top of Joey’s treatments and organizing his medications. At one point he almost died from pneumonia. Joey didn’t die and survived the intense treatment program. His doctors were brilliant and heroic.

There were also huge financial pressures that we had no idea how to handle. It would take nearly fifteen years to see resolution to some of the bad debt we incurred during this period. To this day, she still feels embarrassment and shame for bills that were out of our league and beyond our reach.

During this time, Matt, stayed mostly with Pam’s parents and started calling his Grandpa, “Dad.” Pam still found time to help others and help me hold our family together. She still made holidays special even though two of our Christmas Eves were spent in the hospital.

Toward the end of this ordeal, we had a pleasant surprise, our daughter, Kristin. Blond hair and blue eyes, we jokingly called her “our perfect child” because she would sleep all night from the very first night, and rarely cried or complained.

As Joey and Matt matured, Pam kept them in the mainstream as much as possible throughout their growing up. They played T-ball, soccer, and later in high school, were on the weight lifting team and the football team. They are 24 now, but their old coach still comes to visit them and takes them with him to games. They made a big impact on the entire school. All of this happened because Pam wouldn’t allow them to be classified as retarded and shoved back in a corner. Her advocacy for our sons literally revolutionized the way our school system deals with the disabled.

With all this responsibility and crisis in her life, Pam always had time to lead youth groups and mentor other teenagers. Our home was always filled with teenagers coming and going and it was Pam’s influence that kept them coming back. We jokingly called them our entourage because everywhere we went, even on family vacations, she had a following. Even today, when I take her on a date, I have to insistently say, “just you!”

Two years ago, we adopted a baby girl from China. Once again, I watch in amazement as Pam works through the special needs of an adopted child with our new daughter, Hannah. She has also just completed her Bachelor’s Degree and taken a social worker’s position with the State Of Florida. She is already making a big difference in the lives of the people that she comes in contact with in her new job.

Recently, Pam was awarded “Most Admired Woman” in Citrus County by the Altrusa Club. She is a very special person, my wife, and my hero.