How To Be A Friend

At first glance this title seems to be an explanation of the obvious. Surely full grown adults can figure out on their own how to master the ancient art of friendship, or can they? The longer I ride on spaceship earth and observe human behavior, the more amazed I am at the number of full grown adults who struggle with relationships of the most basic nature.

In our busy world, dysfunctional families are on the rise. Parents who never learned the art of relationships are raising children of their own. Unhealed emotional scars from past hurts cause many adults to be overly sensitive and easily hurt. Normal adult conversation, debate, and friendly banter can throw some of these walking wounded into an unexpected rage and others into seclusion.

Even among the well balanced and emotionally healthy, it seems that the whole issue of friendship can be rocky. Most people can count the number of real true friends on one hand. It seems that our society as a whole needs some friendship training. We need to go back to Relationships 101 and learn how to be a friend. Here are some things I’ve learned about friendship:

1. Don’t Analyze - Men especially try to analyze you and fix you. Be a good listener when your friend is in crisis. When you are hurting, you don’t need a sermon or a judge, you need an encourager. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m saying encouraging?”

2. Empathize – Put yourself in their place and circumstances. Don’t talk down to others. Consider your friends as more important than yourself. Walk beside them, not above them. Empathy differs from sympathy in that sympathy is feeling sorry for someone and empathy walks beside them and attempts to come into an understanding of how someone feels. Knowing that someone else understands and cares is priceless and rare in the world in which we live.

3. Don’t try to buy a friend – My observation with people who try to buy your friendship is that these are people who have craved real friends their whole life and have struggled with control issues in all their relationships. It is insulting for me when someone tries to buy me off. It sends a message to me that this person assumes that I’m superficial and incapable of caring. For someone to be so desperate as to try to buy a friend is very, very sad. If you do respond in the positive just to be their friend, it looks like you have the wrong motivation. In reality, someone who tries to buy friends pushes themselves even further from their goal of having true, caring friends.

4. Be low maintenance – Have realistic expectations for your friends. Don’t be demanding. Don’t be easily offended. Receive what your given in the area of time and attention and be thankful for that. High maintenance demanding people wear out everyone around them and drive away people who would become their friend.

5. Be a positive person – People with negative attitudes are toxic to friendships. No one likes to be around criticizers and complainers. Instead of looking for the faults of others and criticizing, try to find their good qualities and compliment them. Those who constantly grumble and complain are emotionally draining.

Being a positive person begins with positive thinking. You must discipline your thought life because your thoughts will eventually become words. Words will become actions which become habits. Habits become character and your character will become your destiny. The simple truth is this: positive people have friends and negative people don’t. A positive person will attract friends like a magnet.

6. Be friends with your spouse – Marriages cannot be built on chemistry or hormones. That special magical feeling you have as a newlywed will wear off and you will need a strong friendship to have a lasting meaningful marriage. If your friendship does not outlast your chemistry, your marriage will be a short one.

7. Let your friendship happen and grow naturally – You can’t rush a fine wine and you can’t rush a friendship. It must be allowed time to grow. Sometimes people grow together and then apart again. Don’t try to force anything or make the other person feel guilty. Friendships are what they are. Your friends will change through the seasons of life and some of your close friends will become distant friends and that’s okay. Friendships have seasons that will correspond with the constant ebb and flow of life.

Don’t compare yourself with other people that your friend has relationships with. Immaturity always asks the question, what about me? Your friend will relate to each personality in his social circle in a different unique way. Be thankful for what you get. Some people have no friends at all. A true friend is a priceless treasure.

Safe Investing In Domestic And Foreign Stocks

There are advantages in investing in foreign markets as opposed to domestic (U.S.) markets. Some of the largest returns are seen in nations like Brazil. But are these investments safe? I would venture that any developing country has less policing of their trading systems and company ethics than does the the U.S. With all our regulations and agencies, CEOs of large corporations being led off to prison on the nightly news is not an uncommon sight here in our own country. I’ve traveled in several countries in Latin America and I can tell you that bribery is so common in all levels of government and business that most locals don’t even call it crime. Another consideration is whether they have a stable government. In some emerging nations, government coups are the rule, rather than the exception. Do you really want to invest in a country where the guy with the most guns and muscle gets to be President? Then there are the billions in unpaid loans from foreign governments who we are trusting to give oversight to the companies and investments we are putting our money in.

The next logical question is this: Are there any safe ways to invest overseas? All investment involves risk. For the average household variety investor who is building a retirement portfolio, high risk exotic investments are not recommended. If you are going to invest overseas, an ETF or Exchange-traded fund may be the ticket. There are around 50 foreign ETFs that can help you to spread out your risk and take advantage of the high returns of the world stock markets. Some are country specific and some are regional. One such ETF is Brazil ETF (EWZ) kijmade up mostly of oil stocks. Another is United Kingdom ETF(EWU) which is primarily made up of financial service stocks.

Here are a few advantages to using a foreign or domestic ETF. First, they are on the domestic stock exchange. Secondly, they can be traded just like any other stock from an online or brokered account. And Thirdly, they simplify the complex (near impossible)task of choosing winning stocks at home or abroad.

On the domestic market, many investors believe that there are many undervalued stocks right now because of economic fear and uncertainty along with an election year. This is a great time to buy some blue chip stocks at bargain prices. Be aware that both domestic and foreign markets are risky right now. Domestic equity markets are, by nature, safer than foreign markets.

Choosing market bottoms for the domestic market can be complex. Use a seasoned broker or a trusted personal adviser who is savvy in investing. A solution to reduce risk for the domestic market is also the use of ETFs. Rather than take years to learn the commodity markets, one can invest in pork bellies, gold, or grain by choosing the appropriate ETF.

Opportunities abound in both the foreign and domestic stock markets. The foreign market has produced large returns for many a large fund group, but is not a game played well by the novice trader. With the domestic market’s large swings recently, many investors lured by potential high returns of overseas markets have come back home to the domestic market and taken advantage of the present fire sale on good stocks.

Save Money On Your Vacation

A traditional way that families have saved money on vacations is to visit relatives. The downside of that is that your host may take the initiative to plan your vacation schedule for you. The next thing you know they’re mad at you because you rebelled against the schedule. Then there are tensions and you don’t send Christmas cards to each other for the next five years, etc., etc.

There must be some better ways to economize on vacation expenses and still have fun. The most costly part of vacationing is the lodging cost. One way that families have pinched pennies on vacation expenses is to go camping. Rather than do an abbreviated description of many different ways to save money, I’ll go in depth on the subject of tent camping.

Tent camping is the most economical form of camping and a good family sized tent can be bought for $70 to $300. I’ve done a lot of tent camping and have actually spent entire summers in a tent when I was single. When choosing a tent style, you will notice that the most common style of tent is the dome tent.

I successfully used dome tents for many years until I was camping with a group of men on an island one night and the wind kicked up pretty strong. One of the guys had an old garden variety Sears cabin tent. When both of the fiberglass poles on my dome tent snapped in the middle of the night, all the guys in my dome tent piled in with the guys in the old ugly cabin tent. Did I mention it was raining? That night I slept a little closer to other guys than I’m naturally comfortable with. What happens on the island stays on the island. My next tent was a Sears cabin tent and I still have it after many years of happy camping.

Tents have to be re-waterproofed every few years. The 3M company has an excellent spray that is easy to apply and is available in most outdoor departments.

You can save money on your tent purchase by buying a slightly used one on Ebay. You’d be surprised how many people use a tent once and then never again. Garage sales and estate sales can also be good sources. There are web sites that specialize in selling new and used gear. One company that I have bought from for many years is Campmor. They have great sales and specials all year long.

There are many types of campgrounds to choose from. There are campgrounds with all the modern amenities like pools, electric, running water, and entertainment. One such campground is the one at Disney World and they have a special section for tents. There are some larger campgrounds outside of Disney that are more economical.

National and State campgrounds tend to be a little more woodsy. Some have electric and water. Others are called “primitive campsites,” meaning no conveniences except maybe an outhouse and a water outlet you can walk to. One of my favorite sites is a primitive site on the shore of a beautiful lake that costs just $4 per night. The road that leads there is unpaved for about 5 miles. The downside is that my wife went once and decided she didn’t like primitive camping.

Another type of tent camping that I’ve used is backpacking. You can get to places unaccessible by a car and unspoiled by humans. One of my most memorable vacations was a week-long backpacking trip in the Smoky Mountain National Park. Some pre-planning is required because you have to check in with the forest rangers and get a permit detailing where you will camp each night. My favorite campsite was next to a waterfall. When we washed our dinner plates in the stream, baby trout came up and nibbled at the scraps.

Tents used for backpacking should be in the weight range of 3-6 pounds. The trend is toward ultra-light equipment and less of it. The lighter your pack, the more you will enjoy your trip. Don’t economize on your initial investment of backpacking equipment. When you’re in back country your very survival may depend on your equipment’s quality.

Vacations don’t have to be expensive. Many have found tent camping a viable alternative to high cost lodging. Happy Camping!

Make Your Hotel Room A Second Home

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some real disasters with choosing hotel rooms. My experiences have shaped my personal policies and habits in how I obtain lodging and what I do with it when I get it. You can make your hotel room a home away from home by following some simple guidelines that I have developed over the years:

1. PREVIEW – Always, always, ask to see the room before you pay for it. I do this for several reasons, the most important being smell. Sometimes smoking rooms are converted to non-smoking rooms but still smell like smoke. My wife has a nose like a bloodhound. Some hotels allow dogs and there could be fleas in the room. A room might be right next to a noisy elevator or a snack area. Cleanliness and quiet are necessities for a relaxed night’s sleep.

2. BEWARE OF DISCOUNTS – Once, while visiting the theater district in the big apple, we couldn’t believe what a good price we got on our room. When we got there, the room was very nice. We had reserved it by phone and didn’t get a chance to see it ahead of time. That night we became very aware of why our room was priced so reasonably….it was next door to the fire station. Sirens sounded all night long. On another trip we didn’t check out the room in advance, we found that the room had a broken air unit (in Florida during the summer). Amazingly, the hotel refused a refund.

3. PAY EXTRA FOR THE VIEW – A great view will make an ordinary room extraordinary. As in other types of real estate the three most important things are location, location, and location. Sometimes the rooms with a view are an extra cost, so plan that into your budget.

4. NEVER TRUST INTERNET PHOTOS – A couple of years ago we booked a huge condo in Gatlinburg for a special Thanksgiving gathering that included extended family members with a total of 16 people staying in our unit. My wife booked the reservation and prepaid it months in advance based on some beautiful internet photos. We arrived a day in advance of the other family members on a snowy night about 9:00 p.m. The room was a wreck. Holes in doors, walls, and carpeting. Furniture that was so cheap it was like sitting on wood. In short, it was dirty and rundown. Of course, there was no one in the office that late. By the next day my daughter and wife were in tears, I was furious, and the hotel management refused a refund. I refused to leave the property without a refund. The maintenance guy cussed me out and threatened to “whoop” me and as the cops were being called, the maintenance man chimed in, “ask for Shorty.” Shorty didn’t come, another officer did, and they took my side. A refund was made and I didn’t spend the holiday in the Gatlinburg jail. I was having flashbacks of Rambo. Then we found an awesome 3 story cabin with a view, a pool table, and a jacuzzi. It was so nice that I didn’t want to go home.

5. DON’T LEG THE BEDBUGS BITE – Once, while staying in a name brand hotel on the interstate, we got into a room that was teeming with bugs. As it turned out, it was ran by a family whose religious beliefs included reincarnation and they didn’t believe in spraying for bugs. I don’t know how we could have avoided the bugs. They came out in the dark after the lights were shut off and we felt things run across us.

6. UNPACK AND USE THE DRESSER AND HANGERS – Organizing your clothes in the dresser drawers and closet area will eliminate digging through suitcases and will reduce clutter.

7. ASK FOR A SMALL REFRIGERATOR – Get the optional refrigerator and stock it with food, snacks, and drinks.

8. STOCK UP ON GOOD READING MATERIAL – I like to relax by reading and good magazines and books help me to unwind. Your hobby might be crosswords, crafts, or any number of things. Bring your hobby with you to your temporary home.

Perhaps you can learn from our mistakes and successes and make your hotel room into a comfortable second home.